“Yuck,” I thought to myself, sitting outside a Starbucks cafe on flashy Lincoln Road, Christchurch. I was trying to figure out the thought that was so revolting to me.
If men thought peacocking was as important as oxygen, this is what the world would look like.
In the same way a child covers his eyes in hopes that whatever frightens him would disappear, I was watching hordes of people clinging to something to block their view of what scares them: life.
Wearing sunglasses to the club wasn’t a gimmick on South Beach – it was … well… the “normal” thing to do.
Then, the thought I had been grasping for suddenly snapped into view, like a lens coming into focus.
“It’s emotional counterfitting,” I wrote down in my notebook and took another sip of coffee.
I know my reasons for wanting to learn “pick-up” or seduction or whatever you want to call it. Quite simply: I sucked with women in high school and I wanted to be good with women, but I had no idea how I could learn.
I found the materials that were out at the time and I studied them hard. I eventually took action and I started having success with women in my life. And it was like a breath of fresh air and hope for my future.
But I still didn’t feel “good enough”. Sure, I was getting laid, but I wasn’t getting women I really really wanted yet.
And so I continued on and on, studying more broadly and more deeply. Pushing myself harder and harder to meet more women, become more and more bold, etc.
I grew and the quality of women in my life improved. But what I didn’t realize at the time was what the heart of the actual improvement was: it was my willingness to step up and face the wild.
I spent two and a half years endlessly studying material to no avail. Could I have written a term paper on everything I read, accurately quoted, organized and theoretically applied? Absolutely. Could I have confidently talked in chatrooms and forums about it? Definitely.
Why did I wait 2.5 years? Why didn’t I just go out and start trying stuff?
Well, I was afraid. The fear was overwhelming – all-encompassing, irrational fear. I wanted a way to succeed with women without having to face any of the situations I was afraid of.
The material didn’t give me the balls and the character needed to have any kind of success.
Taking ACTION in spite of fear was the missing element and key. Stepping up with the warrior attitude and bringing my best.
From Women To Men: PUA mindset
And that’s what kills me about the whole “Pick Up Artist” mindset.
The basic premise is that you can have a contingency plan for everything. A line for every moment. A backdoor to avoid any unpleasant situation.
Now – don’t get me wrong. The information is helpful in many ways as examples of skillfully leading a woman to a place.
But in the absence of inner strength (good inner game), learning pick-up tactics is building a house of cards for women: looks great so long as the woman doesn’t shake the table and no small gust of wind blows by.
Problem is… women love “shaking the table”, so to speak.
Now I see forums packed with guys, talking about game. I see lairs filled with guys who… talk about game. I meet guys who have read some pick-up material and they want to talk to me about game and tell me about how much they know about dating game.
Here’s the retardedness of it all: Talking about game does not mean that you have game. To remove any terminology from the situation, talking about game does not mean you have any skill at meeting or attracting women. All that it means is that you have a knack for regurgitating things you’ve read.
Real growth in game comes from facing what you are afraid of as best you can. Real growth in your skills with women comes from pushing yourself and not searching for the ultimate shortcut to avoid putting your balls on the table.
You got game? You’re a pick-up artist? Then get out there and prove it – go pick up a girl you actually want. I’ll be waiting to hear back.
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